Simplify your life

Good Evening –

One of the things I noticed with my anxiety – I decided to get rid of facebook again – which helped a ton, I thought I was well enough to go on it again, but I kept getting anxiety for something was unnecessary a pointless task that I had to do daily, I removed snapchat, which is permanently deleted, I try to leave my phone in the car on the weekends or phone up out of my reach on the week nights because well, why do I need it?

I changed my lunch break at work the other day and I am all by myself which is so blissful I can sit and read if I want to, and I just switched breaks to get rid of the toxic environment.

I am doing what I can to lessen my life or “obligation”

 

how do you simplify your life?

Amber

My new addiction – Medicine ball (recipe & photo)

Good Morning Loves!

 

I will have to tell you about my newest addiction. MEDICINE BALL!

I love me a hot tea in the fall & summer, it is SO good. The only thing I don’t do is lemonade I use lemon juice for a few splashes, and it tastes JUST as good

I ordered the Teavana from Amazon, you can buy it at Walmart or target, just not your typical safeway.

The starbucks put peppermint syrup but I like it without!

Very comforting, I make these myself J had one this morning and of course I used my new coffee / tea maker 😀

Have a wonderful Monday. What is your favorite fall / winter beverage?

❤ Amber

I am a mom not selfish to steal moments

Hello Loves!

Who is with me?

Husband – gone to a trip with his friends for the weekend

Kid – gone for the night a sleep over at Oma & Opa’s

I was able to stop at jack in the box, got full loaded fries of CARBS, and a regular oreo milk shake for DINNER. Totally unhealthy and bad example if my kid was with me. I came home started sewing ahh… lovely moments, I got too tired after 15 20 min (gimme a break its 9 pm and I’ve been up since 4am) FOMO?! NOPE – my phone is IN MY CAR – *smiles* there is no reason why I need it, I just have to be showered dress and leave at 10 am in the morning to meet a friend to go to the baby shower… my best friends baby shower…

which means…. I can stay in my PJs til 9, I can MAKE my coffee in PEACE, I don’t have to worry about making breakfast…. oh man… I CAN DRINK my coffee IN PEACE in ONE sitting!

Selfish? moi? nope, I am a mom.

Walking dead binge time! a season behind, so the season 9 is on Netflix FINALLY – I finished the comics, I have an idea how they are going to end the show (spoiler – MAJOR pissed off moment – try… me saying.. WHAT THE…. ARE YOU KIDDIN ME”)

Wasn’t gonna give the ending away 😉

❤ Amber

Bullet Journaling (w/ Pics)

 

 

 

Hello Loves!

First off, my previous entry – I am sorry – it is negative, I got that 😦 I have been struggling so much and going through a lot, and I just lashed out, I really should have written them down instead of making them public.

Isnt my new wooden journal C U T E or what? I discovered – as I went to the farmers market last month, and I came across this cutie the guy from Nightmare Before Christmas, I really had NO use for it, I wanted it, I have another journal that is a blank, it is for normal writing when I am out of room for it. This gal told me about bullet journaling, and I am profound confused at the time, she explained it, I thought it was a neat idea.

So I started but I was rocky, my friend showed me hers the other day, she had TONS of neat pages, she used coloring stuff, stickers and such, all I came up with for the first page was my goal. then I did some looking, I started it “wrong” which is no right or wrong way to do hobbies, so I made a page index, cut out a paper glue it to the cover inside so it can be organized, I am just HOOKED, I bought some highlighter for it too 🙂

First page was my goal, then the next page is “about me” so I will build it slowly positive traits of myself that I notice, then  have a page of daily goal of writing in my gratitude journal (not private – anyone can read it if desired), and on the back going backwards some neat positive quotes I picked up and wrote down. then its the check yes or no if I did it, then the other page is “MOOD” so I have AM and PM and see how I feel first in the morning, and WHY.

Then I have ALL of the days in OCT written out so I write work and school (my kid is going to school now)

Then I have a page or two for XMAS gifts, I am just loving it. It is just kinda relaxing, I don’t feel “forced” the important thing to do is NOT TO COMPARE. while others online or via photos seems nicer than others, its YOU.

I am glad to do this, now I have:

1. Journal (private)
2. gratitude journal
3. bullet journal
4. Dear Asshole

Now the dear asshole – this is a fun one, someone told me a couple weeks ago about this Dear Asshole – and I ordered it, just a bunch of letters people write that just ticks them off in their everyday lives, its just funny. I don’t know why – so I thought it would be neat to make one with my buddies at work, but then I am like ehhh… I really do not want to commit, BUT then I came across today having that muttering moment about a guy who cut in front of me while I was waiting quite some time with my wild 4 year old at the time at the deli in the store, I wrote a letter to him as Dear Asshole at Safeway – then I just giggled. I didn’t have a judgmental thing. So I think it would be fun to pass that around.

Do you keep a journal? if so do share your thoughts and advice – if you have photos of your fun journal that is PUBLIC, please do share 🙂 I don’t expect any private personal that is for your eyes only.

 

❤ amber

Feeling Unwanted

Good Evening –

This entry may not be a great one, but I just know I was so excited to go the quilting retreat, then to leave early in tears because I was unwanted, not liked, I tried so hard to control my anxiety. I could not.

You would think people who graduated from highschool over 50 years ago would be matured up. Now I just know my in laws are going to go next year which is fine, and maybe a friend of mine, and I am not able to go because well, they wouldn’t let me claim my spot nor did I have good terms with them.

I don’t belong at work – there are a couple people who likes me or tolerates me, but I see judgemental looks fairly daily and I get so anxious because I think they are talking about me. I am just a background there maybe?

I have family members who loves me yes, but my side does not do much family functions and I keep in touch with my parents, that’s basically it, growing up I just always left the gathering they never notice me leaving, I was that deaf girl in there while everyone talked, and now they don’t do any functions

in school with friends / “Friends” I was that fat girl no one wanted, and I was not hear nor did I belong with the deafies while I am profound deaf, but because I wore hearing aids I had oral skills – my mom felt that I need that in the future to survive in this hearing world. for years I felt they were my friends, but I was always rejected.

I am 34 years old, I am still a reject – jobs didn’t want me because I am deaf, I do work at a place to help the community and non profit and I love it – but my co workers well, like I said a couple likes me, and some tolerates me, there are some people who makes snide jokes and they are not funny, I get discriminated on a regular bases and I do not take lying down but I get black listed by them because they get in trouble for standing up for myself.

I am a reject among others, in public because I talk funny, I am a reject in some of my family members because I work hard to try to talk to them to get squat, I am rejected by my “friends” in reality after the whole pain issue I went down to a handful of friends which is fine. I am a reject everywhere I go.

a lot of the time I am the person who puts on a smile on my face & wear a mask, this time, I am not. now my fear is to go to work tomorrow, and face people and I do not want to, times like this, I just want to hide.

How do you handle your life in a rejection? why is it okay to reject others?

I just know that I CRAVE to belong anywhere, to be wanted, and I am not wanted half the time. I am a person who works – that is how I am viewed.

Here is to a new week, I hope I can put on my mask tomorrow

Amber

Count your blessing

Good Morning Loves!

Today is the day I am counting my blessing – why? Good question you asked

Yesterday I was home for the first time in MONTHS just to be HOME, I cleaned  my living room, dining room, I even vacuumed, and I just had 3 bags / boxes to take to goodwill then I was going to be done, I wanted to feel accomplished. This is the part when I wish I just stayed home and listened to my husband “Just do it after work one day this week” but no, because it was sitting in my car for a little while, I was tired of it. I also just cleaned out my closet so I had another bag of clothes.

Goodwill donation was closed (the store is closing down 😦 later this year ), another thrift store does not take donations on weekends o.O then I was driving home, I saw a donation box, I put them in there – I felt accomplished, I turned on a light to head home, then my turn was coming up – it had rained / poured we even had a thunderstorm Saturday night. I turned right, lost control of my wheel / car – I ran over the curb, hit the stop sign / street sign, and off the curb, my car dropped water like it was a water break under my car, I was completely freaked out – ask me if anyone even stopped to check on me? NO – the guy across the street was like go go go. I was not going to do the wrong thing, I did not have my phone on me, so I drove home a block away feeling like I drug something, my husband said it sounded like a jet right over our house when I was coming up, I was hysterical – freaking out I even said “call the police” I quickly explained to him what happened to my car – callie. (Yes I named her) he called, saw the roads how slick it was, my tire rim is bent & has a hole on my tire, my front bumper is damaged – top of my door frame damaged – but my inner car was damaged it is not drivable, Chris told me I can use the other car and we have to end up getting a new car sooner than expected sadly – at least maybe next weekend.

today I am a little tender, I was bawling yesterday, I was shakened, I am nervous to drive today, but I know I have to. I am counting my blessing that that’s is all is wrong with me just a bit tender on the hips, and my back, yesterday my neck was stiff and I had a headache. I even more grateful that I was ALONE, I cannot imagine my son being in the car, even when there was not another car involved.

I went outside later yesterday I looked at my car – I even said “I am so sorry callie” and touched her. because next step this week is calling the car for junk (cash) she was not even worth fixing up value of 900 dollars while she had a lot more damage than that. I grown attached to my 2007 caliber while it was a “hand me down” from my husband, I hated the hatchback, but I grown to love it, I loved it had AC (my KIA RIO did not have AC or power locks), I loved how it had a OUTLET plug, I loved everything about it, I cleaned her out from time to time, I take her for a car wash, I treated her well. the next car I will be driving is the advenger – 2011 nameless has over 140K miles on it, but I have no idea what her name will be, she has some body damages, the next car we are getting hopefully if we go down to Portland for it – will be a truck, it will be a used new truck (2015 disel truck) – hopefully then we can start saving up money for my own car.

that’s my blessing today – and I even wrote in my gratitude journal how grateful I was that John was not in the car, and  was okay. Today I am brining my embroidery to work.

Have a good Monday!

Amber

After recovery / Endro surgery

Hello Loves!

It has been – 6 months since my hysteremcy surgery, March 7th the lucky number 7.

I have been back to working full time, and I have to say before going back to work, we went to the spring fair maybe a month and half after the surgery, and I could not walk at the end of the day – that was how much I was hurting, and today we went to the big fair the pullyup fair – and man the only thing hurts is my ankle *weak and bad ankles*, while some people are not so lucky that they have pains still with endro. I am pretty darn grateful we had a lot of things happening this summer on both of our sides family’s health problems, but the fact that I could be out of bed and move is amazing, last year I missed out on everything, this year I could do more, while I wish I could have done more with the summer, but what can I say when some people fell ill & hospitalized – I started having more anxiety these days – it has gotten really bad, I decided to deactivate my facebook *again* but I was doing so well last year after I deactivated it. so I am hoping it will help again this time, my messenger is still open, I want to still have contact with my best friend (it works better on messenger than text)

I did get myself involved in pokemon go – so I decided *only* if I am out and about I will have it running. Level 27 already.

we celebrated our 10th year anniversary of our marriage  – I cannot believe how time flies, and our son turned 4, he is going to pre school next week, next weekend is another quilt retreat I will be attending after work – I am not going to stay for full 4 days, so that is okay, as long as I have my headphones things will be alright. I know I cut up like 5 projects last year so I will put those together then work on my dad’s quilt after all them.

I know life is good – I am trying to write in my gratitude journal again.  I know it has been quite some time  since I have last written n here, I am hoping to *try* to come back.

A working mom & wife work is never done.

Hope you guys had a wonderful summer ❤

Happy fall ❤

 

Amber

Life gives you lemon, you make what?

Good Morning Loves!

2 weeks ago I had the surgery, Monday I had the post op, I meant to come back here and blog about it, and I forgot (sorry)

For starters, the word cancer did not cross my mind, I am so glad I did not know that possibility because I would have been extremely anxious and just a big wad a mess.

Monday, my lab came back, my uterus, cervix and tubes were taken out, I feel amazingly better, while I am so young for this, but I and the dr are hopeful. I would love to live life again. I cannot wait, he is so happy I feel so good compared to previously, my moods, I can move better. I do not have to worry about collapsing. While this surgery is pretty common, but I had no idea how tired I could have been getting, so easily worn. I am on no medication for pains, or anything for it. It makes me happy. I drove for the first time yesterday, I had clearance, but it was so uncomfortable

Cancer free (yay) while the dr was like “your more worried about the pain coming back ? (which I was) most are worried about the cancer…. ”

My face, I was in shock and had a horrified look so glad it didn’t cross my mind, cervix was inflamed, endometriosis – while my ovaries (did you know that ALL ovaries are WHITE?!?!? looked weird when I saw pics) are fine, there was no endo cells floating around, which that is good, it is not likely for it to come back. so we are VERY hopeful. I accept that I will never child bear another child, but my 3 year old is my pride and joy. While I wanted a girl, but for some strange reason, I am so happy with a boy. Maybe because I grew up as a tomboy.

so I have to go back in 5 weeks, I was hoping to hit back my job at week 3. Nope. I came up with tons of projects, I went to Joann yesterday got some yarn, Knitting Christmas gifts, scarves, hats, and I finished 2 pairs of pillow cases (one was a year old some project I finished this week) and did another project. I have some Embroidery projects to do, I am just stocking up. I have no idea who I am making them for. Hopefully this week, The downstairs will be cleaned up, so I can play with my sewing machine for the first time since OCT. I have quilt ideas. I will keep busy for the next 5 weeks 🙂 I also have to make quilt retreat gifts, 25 of them, I made 6. Yo yo keychains… just a pain in my arse, I thought it would be so easy and quick. Pictures fools you!

Happy friday everyone – have a great Friday – I need to catch up and read my blogging buddies!

Also I gotten my ipsy bag this month, I think I do enjoy! 🙂

 

❤ Amber

My first wingtip attempt / pic

Good Morning Loves!

I could not sleep last night, it hit me I never did a wingtip before, so I think with my recovery I am going to play around and practice on my skills of eyes, I know I am pretty basic, but in my 30s I should do a bit more and get better. I think it will help me out more.

So two different brushes were used for this, since I only had the purple gel liner, I had to take the flat brush I do not remember the name of it, kind of a half triangle shape, I dipped in black shadow and went over it to make it black, but I did not put foundation or under eye thing to cover my bags / color, so I can see my flaws of unmade face. but under the eye I put some orange and a few lighter colors of my shadow. I think I need to invest into new brushes… because mine is so simple. I have not put on any settling spray, so I am going to see how long the shadow lasts, I do not want to “waste” any just for sitting around. usually I put liner on last after shadows but not today. I used the same palette from yesterday

 

I think I will keep practicing on my skills, since I am going to be home for at least 2 more weeks, is there any other topics or thoughts to blog about or activities  I can do? I am unable to drive for a bit, but I do read, I have a book club next Friday, I am trying really hard to finish it, but its a drag, “A Man Name Ove” just not my cup of tea, next book I have “Friend” 1980s thriller book about a girl dies the neighbor boy brings her back to life and all kinds of bad things happen. Maybe I can re read my walking dead books. I booked my 3 year olds birthday party for June at Pump it up – he loves that place he said he wants superman theme, I am going to ask him again next week or so, and if he says the same, then I will have someone take me to the party store, this time I will do goodie bags, not buy pre made ones, and maybe some banners etc. 🙂 simple but not so big, and maybe a cake too. something to fill my time.

I cannot sew quite yet, I have not sat in the hard chairs to eat on the table yet, I do not think I will be able to sew yet. I have not sewn since October 😦 I have been bored of knitting, I finished season 6 of once upon a time – they should have left it at that – so I am not interested in season 7. so I do not want to start a new show to binge, that’s a commitment I do not want to make after my recovery. I do not plan to lay around as much.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

❤ Amber

Preschool & Eye make up (pics)

Hello Loves,

First off – today is day 6 of recovery, I am extremely bored, my  husband went to a training, and my son is not home, my question is it going to be like this for few weeks before I go back to work!?!?!

So – I was super anxious I did not sleep last night, one of those sleepless nights because the preschool we want our son to get into its a bit more private less children more nature thing, but the problem was its a lottery!  seriously they had 4 spots open for his age group 4-5 years old, and they draw the NAMES to pick! O.O which is fine, but it is way better than paying much more for public school – it would be so cramped and such, I think this will be a good experience for him 🙂 so therefore, after 4 names drawn but they were 3-4 year olds they had more openings, I was like please. please. please….. his name was drawn I was SO excited while other parents were like getting up and walking calmly I’m like Y E S !!!! and I told john he gets to go to school there, and hes excited. I was taken today to go there which is a huge help, first time to go out of the house I dressed up, I pushed myself a bit too hard, so it is worth it. That is a huge relief

Down below a picture of my eyes I do not know if I took a good pic, and my tools I used. no mascara or primers etc.

As I said I was so bored – I may do this when I am home alone starting next week, maybe this will help pass time. 🙂

I follow direction, I did not use wing tips or mascara but the brush I used was Mary Kay all over shadow its simple, everyday use – nothing fancy but I love how it feels, I did not know I was supposed to hold by the tip of the brush!

Then I used Urban Decay “Distortion” Palette

*Color One: Trash Talk

*Color Two: Blur

*Color Three: Territorial

It was awkward for me to use eye liner because I used one hand holding mirror and one to use my hand, which I usually use 2 hands, so I used Mary Kay – Gel liner “Orchard”

I would love to hear your thoughts 🙂

I  think I will do it again! (another tip video)

❤ Amber