Some people still stuck in highschool

Good Evening Loves ❤

Today was a tough day, I had to leave work once again half day, I did what I could, I did so much for my team over the years, and I forget I have to pick and choose my battles, today my emotions got the best of me – I was hurting, but I was sitting with my friends and some people during lunch and laughing talking about kids, while the others were not involved in it, I left work before it came to the woozy dizzy spell, I walked out limping, and to find out the other people said some mean comments how I must not be in pain because I was laughing and they would not be laughing if they were in pain.

So my question is – why cannot I laugh while I am in pain? its a distraction. I was so upset and so hurt, because I do favors and help, and I am nice to pretty much to everyone to get this disrespect? the management found out about it and they were given a talking to. but in the end, after I was raging, crying, in pain, upset, hurt it came across my mind while I held in so much at the end, I cry every day because I am in pain. People’s behavior no matter what ages they are at, they are still stuck in high school, how can that be?

I try to stay out of drama, while I like to hear them, its funny at times, but I do not want to be a part of it, I have enough soap opera in my life – face it, I am a mom, a wife, friend, sister, daughter, yeah I got my soap opera, and I choose my battles, how I behave affects my relationships with others, if I behave childish, it could cost me a lot, if I behave good then I gain. I am a bit embarrassed with my actions today of raving on to my friend, and I was like why… WHY would they think that badly of me? why do they have to do that?  while I expect some who are “misery loves company” but that misery I did NOT deserve. I was reminded how great of a person I am, and I am truly blessed to know who really deserves me in their lives. while I have 2 days left of work (hoping I do not get sick since my kid is sick) I am going to walk in, put my head phones on, do the best I can do at my job, and those who hurts me, probably will not be speaking to me, but that’s okay, I know I am a bigger person, I try to be the best I could be, while I cave in some of my emotions and anger, I am only human, I am very loved by my friends and family, its okay if I am not well liked by everyone, but I will still walk in the room with my head up high, with hopes, smiles and pleasantness 🙂 its another day tomorrow.

While I feel so depressed now, I really really REALLY hope this surgery helps my pain, I want to start living life again, everything was taken away from me – I cant do anything without hurting. it also opened my eyes, maybe its a blessing, because the last few months has been really rough, and there are a few people who has been on my side, forever I am grateful for, and for those who left me after I have been there for them from distances or being in their presence they do not deserve my friendship.

everything you do in life is a test. it has to be. 3 more days til the surgery, positive thoughts and prayers please.

❤ Amber

Casual · make up

Highlighter eyes / attempt (with pictures)

Good Morning Loves!

Today I had planned to meet some friends today, before the surgery thing, but because I have been in so much pain, I decided it was best to stay home and rest. But again when I say it is depressing to be home a lot, I decided to play with make up, while I accidently saw my ipsy bag for Feb that is coming in 2 days (I get the free bag for signing up) and one of them was a eye shadow brush to use for highlighter, which it made me excited to try, so below is one of my attempts, I am not sure if I would go out looking like this quite yet. I used 2 shades of color, one is the red shown down below of my HUDA eye shadow and a very light beige in that HUDA show too, I used my finger to blend that in, but the brush to do the highlighter and the by the brow. I have not plucked in a while, I was going to have it waxed before I returned to work after the surgery. (I also need a hair cut as well for that) Photo Editor-20190303_105000


What I have here is my new DREAM highlighter with the Ethro (i think that’s how you spell it – can be bought anywhere including walgreens, walmart etc) brush and I used my Mary Kay brush blush for the TARTE blush, I used both gloss & lipstick from BLACK UP (purchased through Sephora – sales on line) HUDA obsessions ruby shadows with the mary kay all over shadow brush (basic and simple)  my Mary kay eye liner gel – love it, and the Mary Kay foundation brush & cc cream this all used while I have on my face, I did not put any primers or sprays Photo Editor-20190303_105032

The first time I tried with the purple shades, I looked like a clown, so I had to re look at the video, so I hope it does not look half bad.


What do you think? be honest!  if this is not the look for me that’s fine. I looked at walgreens CC foundation it cost 18 dollars, I did not think the reason to switch over because my MK was 20. all this I gotten on sale, or I used ibotta to bIuy make up from Sephora – I could not buy them full price. I know I am naughty at times.

Have at it!


❤ Amber


Make up addiction / photos


Good Evening Loves,

First off – in case of my sister is reading this – I do blame *you*, the picture of me and my son was taken yesterday before work, I was wearing the new highlighter & the bronze color lipstick. I loved it, and I even joined ipsy glam bags, I used my “mad money” (we get allowances bi weekly of 25 dollars for personal spending of unnecessary things that we desire) – my sister sent me a 30 dollar blush from her ipsy for Christmas, and I fell in LOVE with it, my journey started last july when it came to me doing a personal transformation, to help my anxiety, depression & self esteem and it worked. I worked hard trying to get better, and I had left facebook too, so that way I did not have that cancer in my life. While I still hit some speed bumps, I am trying to not let it drag me down.

in july I started basic, got some mary kay CC foundation cream and now I use it DAILY when I step out of the house, no powder, then I use some of my Sephora eye shadows (I do not pay full price for it) with urban decay, huda – love it. I use maybline mascara, mary kay gel eye liner that is so GREAT for my oily skin it does not smudge, and I even have this settling spray to be sure it stays, then I have a few choices of Blush right now it is Mary Kay & Tarte, but with some highlighters like what I just showed you Dream, it has glitter in it, I did not realize that til I saw it in the sun, and it is great for the summer! I have a couple ELF highlighter someone had me to try, but I am like eh, its good for a dull normal day, while some of my taste of make up sounds expensive, I am trying what I can to keep the cost down. I learn more and more each time, to make things better, before July, I had the basics down 2 shadows from drug store, pencil linar that always smudged, no mascara, no foundation because I did now know what I would need it, no sprays but it still made me look like a young girl trying to do make up, it was so awkward. but now its so different every time, I do not do anything fancy like wing tip eyes, but the way I have been putting my shadows on, I use the brushes not the spongey thingie, previously it was glosses but now I do both lipstick and gloss over it, I do not think I can pull off the RED, it just does not seem good, but Mary Kay it was given to me, a red shade, but it looked stained after it faded, I hated that and it was embarrassing! so I really enjoy Boxum glosses – some Mary Kay color glosses are nice too. but with ipsy I hope to explore more on the lips, and no lip linar for me. I also use eye primer & face primer from Mary Kay – I saw a picture of me before CC foundation, and after, I could tell the MAJOR difference it made my face look more balanced and covered my age spots, redness and random big pores.

It is crazy, I went from being a tom boy to some what girlie, but I sure love to wear my husband’s hoodie & jeans, with make up. But I do enjoy feeling good and it brings me confidence

I would like to see or hear what you have to say on your make up if you wear any.

❤ Amber


How to improve your self-esteem.

via How to improve your self-esteem.

I think this is a good reminder to read: copied and paste down below or click on link for original post

How to improve your self-esteem.

We have all dealt with low self esteem at one point or another in our lives. Some people deal with it everyday. It is important that we do things that will improve our self esteem. I will outline some tips that have helped me improve my self esteem.

1. Practice self care, take care of your needs and wants.

2. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself!

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

4. Prioritize yourself and acknowledge your feelings.

5. Always tell yourself you are deserving and worthy.

6. Eliminate negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.

7. Be proud of your journey and how far you have come. Give yourself credit for all that you have accomplished and work on your future goals.

8. Forgive yourself for past mistakes.

9. Let go of all the hurt and resentment.

10. Learn to accept your flaws and love your imperfections.


Struggles – Friendship

Good Morning Loves,

It has been a while since I have been on here, I have been having a lot of struggles, but a friend of mine reminded me about coming on here, and I shall. in 5 days I am having a surgery and I am hoping it will end up helping my pain, and I can start living life again. I had to cancel my farewell uterus lunch that was planned for tomorrow – but I have not been able to walk when my husband had to help me walked to get around the house.

Also I have been feeling so lonely these days — I have tried to reach out to some of my friends but some of them has not been responsive, and I was given an suggestion and my sister tells me, I should too – spring cleaning on contact list, and I have I decided to remove a lot of the conversations off my phone, and my husband said I should find some  new friends, but at my age it is not easy to start some where. but I think I am going to stick with the few I have now, while we are so busy, I know those friends who has been on my side for such a long time, and has not left me when I need them the most.

I have been going through a lot of anxiety about a lot of things, and I have been trying really hard to keep level on that. there is so much going on, and I am hoping after the surgery I will be pain free, this journey has been a real eye opener who is really there for me and who isn’t. I deserve the best, I also know I am a good person as everyone else, but those who does not deserve my friendship they aren’t bad people but maybe it just means we are not the best fit. I love the people who I can laugh with, smile with, just be weird with, those who are the ones I need to surround myself in.

I started to try to write in my journal on how I feel and such, and hoping it helps me, and I also talk to my best friend almost every day, she has been my rock. Little did I know she has a lot going on herself, and I know we can support each other, even if we are hours apart of distance. you do not have to be in a real life form in someone’s life or to be touchable to be a friend, even if its hours or many miles away, you can still be there for someone, kind words can be so powerful, or just even listen to them, I know I had a struggle to help someone yesterday it became so much, and it crossed the lines, and I kept trying to help, and it wasn’t being taken, and it ended up with me saying “I do not know what else to say, I have offered you all of these help and it has not been used” it is kinda like the story of this guy who wanted God to save him – with the flood, he is on the roof, he declined the help of a row boat he said “God will save me”, the motor boat, then the helicopter, then he drowned, and asked God why did he not save him, and he told him he sent a row boat, motor boat and helicopter, it kinda was like that thing. I can only do so much, if one cannot help themselves, then what more can I offer? The people I need to be around who can help themselves and also help pick others up when they have fallen, I have fallen, and I cry every day, I am in pain all the time, someone just to give me a hug, or even text me kind words helps me get up, I cannot depend on them to hold my hand all the time, but to give me a pull up with a hand means more than they know.


The smallest gesture can change someone’s whole day! I think I have not been on here because I do not want to be a mood downer. But I know I am a wonderful person, doing the best I can. same as each one of you.

Any comments or thoughts I would love to hear them


❤ Amber


Who deserves you and your friendship

Good Morning Loves,

It has been a while since I have updated, I have been in a huge amount of pain, but now that I had the depo shot once again, it helped a lot on the pain, its much tolerable. Sunday I had a emotional breakdown, I got tired of reaching out to people and not being heard after years of me hearing them, and being there for them, but I also know a lot of them are introverts, I am not.  So in 1 month and 7 days, I have a surgery, and my plan after that, I have started this process already, stop reaching out to others that are non responsive. My best friend told me how If I have to keep reaching out, and if it makes me feel this bad, and I put so much effort into the friendship to get so little effort back, they do not deserve my friendship, shes right. the sad part, for friendship, I guess I could really say I have less than 5 to be able to confine in, but that’s a blessing. I am a naturally a social butterfly, does not mean I share everything to everyone. Things happen for a reason.

I love my friends do not get me wrong, but I do have to surround myself with positive people, that is what my shrink said. I know that would help a ton. I managed to delete so many people off my phone their numbers / contact information, which I have no contact with for so long, including negative people. I know I deserve so much more.

Yesterday this older man who just had a back surgery and is in the wheel chair til later this year, I said to him at work:

Morning! (he smiles) today is going to be an awesome day!

yes today will be an awesome day, because you are here

of course I swooned, I mean how can I not?! then hes all like “dance your way back to work” because I was just being silly and goofy. it inspire people and smiles can be so infectious while some I have to deal with who has black clouds over their heads ALL the time, as they have no hope. that is really sad. it is so difficult to be around people who speaks of nothing but negative. You mention something good they manage to drag it down.

The question you need to ask yourself – who deserves YOUR friendship?

I have to go wake my son up – poor guy 545 am.

❤ Amber