Good Morning Loves –
I am going to try to update a bit more, this weekend I decided to do the phone challenge, when I keep my phone off / away from me, so right now it is in the car, I will check it on Sunday 5pm, I have been trying to stop using my phone, after having so many conflicts with my pain, and things at work, they are buckling down on phone use, which I cannot say I blame them, I really don’t. there are so many people out there take advantage of their cell phone use on the clock (not just my place, but anywhere), with the generations things has been dependent on the phones. While I got rid of facebook – I experienced FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) I could not believe that was a real thing, and it is a real thing! I read another blog about FOMO here, that made me decide I should do it, and there were some people who believed I couldn’t do it, on the 2nd of Jan, I left my phone in the car, and I was feeling anxious because I was worried if I had a message or two, which I did I checked at the end of the day. I filled my void by talking to my best friend on Gmail. the “old fashion” way. it helped some. I emailed my parents, my mother in law & husband emergency numbers for work if it was something they needed to get ahold of me, and that is okay.
It feels weird not checking my phone today first thing in the morning, and now it is 1041, I am showered dressed and ready to go to meet a friend for lunch, to take her out for her birthday 🙂 she chose the olive garden.
I have been trying so hard to stay positive and upbeat, my pain, I have dealt with for over a year now, it is not easy to hide it, people are noticing it and worried, my doctor recommends a hysterectomy because he believes I have adenomyosis which is the uterus and the lining / and other things, but it is so painful that my treatments I have tried – I tried a bunch of them, and they did not work, they keep upping my doses of pain meds – antiflamory I am still missing SO much work, I couldn’t keep it a secret, my bosses knows about this upcoming surgery, I gave the doctor the green light, every time I saw the email pop up I kept hoping it was the doctor, but I am just hoping all this can go away. I know we made the right decision when the next day I am hurting from the exam that I could not work, and I am missing out on a lot, I have told people that I could not commit to anything in far advance because I never know on the pain. I do not want to get my hopes up high and not be able to go, and I do not want to get people upset because of my constant cancelation. right now I am in pain, but tolerable, it is really hard to keep my game face on. I do not want to tell the whole world I am in pain, but my face and action cannot hide it, it now I have to comfort other people because they are so worried, I know they mean well, but I shouldn’t be comforting them, I am the one who is scared, I am the one that is worried that this surgery is not successful or would it take the pain away. but I understand why they are worried. now I have so many pity around me, it just, I do not want them to stop treating me the way they used to, and now they are treating me so differently. that’s probably the big reason why I needed a break from my phone, those messages, I have announced it this week that I was going to have a surgery.
I am doing what I can to be strong, I know it will be okay, it has to be. I want to stay positive, I am seeing my shrink on a weekly basis I think it helps me a lot. some part of me is looking forward to recovery – why? because I am hooked on to this tv show on Netflix – good witch, she is so positive and wise. I know its a chick flick thing. I want to enjoy life. I want to watch my son grow, I want to be able to pick him up again, I want to catch him when he falls, or when he jumps off things randomly. hes my whole world. I am pretty sure I am okay with not child bearing again, after watching him with my husband, I am so lucky, I really am. when I came on here, I missed reading other blogs that helped me, and I hope to continue to make blogger friends 🙂
have a great Saturday!