Casual

FOMO / Phone challenge

Good Morning Loves –

I am going to try to update a bit more, this weekend I decided to do the phone challenge, when I keep my phone off / away from me, so right now it is in the car, I will check it on Sunday 5pm, I have been trying to stop using my phone, after having so many conflicts with my pain, and things at work, they are buckling down on phone use, which I cannot say I blame them, I really don’t. there are so many people out there take advantage of their cell phone use on the clock (not just my place, but anywhere), with the generations things has been dependent on the phones. While I got rid of facebook – I experienced FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) I could not believe that was a real thing, and it is a real thing! I read another blog about FOMO here, that made me decide I should do it, and there were some people who believed I couldn’t do it, on the 2nd of Jan, I left my phone in the car, and I was feeling anxious because I was worried if I had a message or two, which I did I checked at the end of the day. I filled my void by talking to my best friend on Gmail. the “old fashion” way. it helped some. I emailed my parents, my mother in law & husband emergency numbers for work if it was something they needed to get ahold of me, and that is okay.

It feels weird not checking my phone today first thing in the morning, and now it is 1041, I am showered dressed and ready to go to meet a friend for lunch, to take her out for her birthday 🙂 she chose the olive garden.

I have been trying so hard to stay positive and upbeat, my pain, I have dealt with for over a year now, it is not easy to hide it, people are noticing it and worried, my doctor recommends a hysterectomy because he believes I have adenomyosis which is the uterus and the lining / and other things, but it is so painful that my treatments I have tried – I tried a bunch of them, and they did not work, they keep upping my doses of pain meds – antiflamory I am still missing SO much work, I couldn’t keep it a secret, my bosses knows about this upcoming surgery, I gave the doctor the green light, every time I saw the email pop up I kept hoping it was the doctor, but I am just hoping all this can go away. I know we made the right decision when the next day I am hurting from the exam that I could not work, and I am missing out on a lot, I have told people that I could not commit to anything in far advance because I never know on the pain. I do not want to get my hopes up high and not be able to go, and I do not want to get people upset because of my constant cancelation. right now I am in pain, but tolerable, it is really hard to keep my game face on. I do not want to tell the whole world I am in pain, but my face and action cannot hide it, it now I have to comfort other people because they are so worried, I know they mean well, but I shouldn’t be comforting them, I am the one who is scared, I am the one that is worried that this surgery is not successful or would it take the pain away. but I understand why they are worried. now I have so many pity around me, it just, I do not want them to stop treating me the way they used to, and now they are treating me so differently. that’s probably the big reason why I needed a break from my phone, those messages, I have announced it this week that I was going to have a surgery.

I am doing what I can to be strong, I know it will be okay, it has to be. I want to stay positive, I am seeing my shrink on a weekly basis I think it helps me a lot. some part of me is looking forward to recovery – why?  because I am hooked on to this tv show on Netflix – good witch, she is so positive and wise. I know its a chick flick thing. I want to enjoy life. I want to watch my son grow, I want to be able to pick him up again, I want to catch him when he falls, or when he jumps off things randomly. hes my whole world. I am pretty sure I am okay with not child bearing again, after watching him with my husband, I am so lucky, I really am. when I came on here, I missed reading other blogs that helped me, and I hope to continue to make blogger friends 🙂

 

have a great Saturday!

❤ Amber

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Casual

Hello 2019

Hello Loves –

 

It has been a while since I have posted, things has been chaos on my end:

  • Lots of pain, they cannot figure out what my problem is, they are trying to stop my period all together, my guess I am having surgery this year and i am 33 potentially getting all my girl organs removed
  • I am peeing blood and it is not UTI, it worries me
  • My mother in law had surgery my husband been busy helping her she had a knee replacement surgery
  • I left Instagam along with Facebook
  • I am trying really hard to stay positive and I shall

I got one of those daily calendars so its at work & its positive quotes 🙂 today is Hi there! I am not going to let things drag me down.

I decided to stop using my phone much, since at work they are buckling down on phone use, I cannot blame them, so Yesterday I left it in the car, it was hard, I did it tho! Today I did the same, I did not even CHARGE my phone!!! 🙂 had 75 percent when I got up this morning. my goal this year, is to only use my phone strictly for communications use & less than an hour a day TOTAL. I moved my very fat purse into a small one, that was really hard. I want to keep thriving and making GOOD changes for myself, I am still seeing a therapist for my anxiety & mental health.

 

I hope your 2019 is going to be GREAT – I will try to come back here from time to time

 

❤ Amber

Casual

Live your life for you! — advicesbyher

A lot of people sacrifice a part of who they are, just to appear to have it all. They are so busy keeping up with appreances, that they are willing to live in turmoil as long as no one sees it. They are willing to scarifice their personal happiness and well being to statisfy an […]

via Live your life for you! — advicesbyher

 

 

Hello Loves ❤

Its friday & i am feeling SO much better ❤

This is too good not to share!

 

❤ Amber

Casual

Getting mad at the blind for not being able to sort out colors

Good Morning Loves!

Yesterday or Tuesday I caught my son’s crud, his head cold. I am going to work after this blog.

yesterday I had a incident with a co worker that I worked with for years, that person had repeatedly  over the years commented how loud I am, and I constant remind people I am deaf I cannot hear those things but I would try to be more quieter, so this time was the last straw. my manager heard me clanging the dishes around and said I need to be more gentle, and I told him I didn’t realize I was being loud, and that I will keep in mind and try to be a bit more gentle next time when I thought I was being gentle. then the co worker reminded me how slow I could go and be much more quieter because I am so loud. I told that person “Remember I am deaf I cannot hear those things”

“Being deaf is not the reason, its an excuse” I swear smoke came out of my ears

“You may not believe me but deaf people and hearing people are completely different”

what was the response? a laugh a laugh of sure whatever, I was LIVID

if someone did that to me a couple months ago I would feel self conscious which I did end up feeling like that, but this time, I sent an email to that person with a bunch of links and resources of deaf person and their annoying habits. I made it clear to that person I was upset by it and insulted. It will be weird coming in to work to see that person, but I can simply put my head phones on, and focus on work, I may end up sitting at my desk during breaks, but I am trying not to be negative today, but I do not feel good, I told my friends about this, and one said to me

“Its like being mad at the blind for unable to sort out colors” she was right, I texted that person and expressed my feelings and the situation that happened and said what she said, and said have a good night see you tomorrow and never heard from that person, my guess that person is going to just ignore it and make it seem like I am the over dramatic one. it just, it does sting me when people think deaf people are just an excuse not a reason for our barriers

Today will be a good sick day – I will go to work with coffee, tea and water and do what I need to do, then go home, do laundry. I cannot let this get to me, but it just doesn’t help when I am in a cruddy mood when all three of us are sick.

 

Have a good day

 

❤ Amber

Casual

You have a story to tell…

everysingleperson-min

 

Good Morning Loves!

 

I hope your mid weekday is going well – I could not resist but to see the positive quote of the day was – every single person on the planet has a story. I know I have a life time of stories to tell from the moment I was born and til now, how my name was picked (which was in the 1980s she was reading a harlequin book and picked Amber – everyone was Amber back then), from how I became deaf (measle shot – allergic reaction with bad ear infection caused 95 percent loss in 1 ear & 97 percent in the other AKA profound deaf) to learning to sign SEE (signing exact English) to doing both ASL & SEE since I use ASL words in English grammar and some SEE signs (like the ING To) and spent majority of my school years in speech therapy which helped me learn to speak. I was told “you are deaf, you have to work 2x harder to survive in the hearing world” that was how I was raised. I depend on interps as well.

I have a story to tell from being in a dysfunctional family yet I was raised by people who LOVED me so much, I was surrounded by many people & love, I was lucky. My childhood was complicated for me to explain. Some could pity “no child should go through it” but how I think of it, back then I had all these feelings hurt feelings, but at the end I am truly lucky I wouldn’t be who I am without that! To some cases of victims of tragedy situations which I still cope with to this day, to being the single woman moving out of the nest and living with her boyfriend who currently is husband, I never lived on my own but I have paid my own bills with my own money. To struggling to find a job because no one wants to hire a deaf person and I was not willing to work at a warehouse to hurt my body more than I already have problems with I worked at Target stocking / unload truck. To motherhood, weight loss journey(s), family, friends. I have learned a lot of life lessons as well, being dead broke to where we are now, almost losing a car because we were 3 months behind on car payments couldn’t afford to fix my car that was really bad & unsafe, to a very cheap dump house which was 650 a month, maxed out CC(s) which took us FOREVER to pay off. To being a home owner, a friend. I went through so many friends they came and went, I have a couple less than a handful that stuck by me, we talk to this day. They are family to me, I have handful of friends to count on as well.

I have lots of stories to tell, I do not feel pity, I do not want the pity party, I am lucky, I have a roof over my head, food on the table, my husband & child, family & friends. I choose happiness I choose positive! You are here for a reason, you have stories to tell, you are a story to share!

 

❤ Amber

Casual

What is important to you?

themostimportantthingsinlife

 

Good Morning Loves!

 

I hope your weekend went well – mine was pretty good, while Friday I was at home with pains (dysmenorrhea – serious pains and other symptoms currently going through testing trials to try different coping ways) however the pain on Saturday was tolerable I went to see some ladies when I am with them, while they are older than I am, I feel like a grown up being with them – J it was nice, and of course seafoods!! Sunday I took a friend and our kids to the fair and met up with another friend with her kids, then yesterday John was sick (cold – but hes doing so much better – he said his face hurt he had a rough night Sunday evening)

Life is good – still thankful. I realized it has been a while since I have actually blogged – looked up a positive quote of the day – lets look at that

“The Most Important things in your life are: Your friends, family, health, good humor and positive attitude towards life”

Do you agree with this? I do absolutely and the progress I have made in the past couple months shows – I still have my moments, I am only human, I am grateful for friends & that I am someone(s) friend. My family means everything to me, while I am still obese I am still working on living a healthier lifestyle I have slowly been losing weight, and I have been getting exercises as well and better self care. Having that positive attitude is important for your self and your environment / surroundings  – if you do not have that, then everything around seems bad. I could say that someone I know that tells the whole world the family does not do anything for that person, while that person had a lot of help then it turned out that that person got less and less things from that. That person does not let anyone forget how hard their lives were. And they do not get along now and that is a part of the reasons why they don’t.

People could sit there and go “ugh I have to see my in laws” do i?? nope, I make it fun – my parents in law and one of my sister in laws loves me – why? I treat them nicely and respect them, and they return that favor to me, I show them who I am, and they accept me. They enjoy it – but not everyone is compatible with each other while I respect other people I am still polite – I can only do so much I cannot force anyone to like me. Respect is important. When I dread to see certain people I sit back and ask why? What can I do to make it better? Eventually I stop making certain plans, because if they are the reason why I cant stay uplifted – the negative environment, I do not want it around me. I will still interact with them, if they are nice and respectful but if they are going to trash talk you – or me, then that isn’t what we need in our lives. It is SO easy to drag others in a bad mood with them, and it is harder to get them back up in the positive state of mind – a lot of the times people / we think the bad, and hang on to that. Have you heard the term: “we do not remember the good things but we remember the bad” that is AWFUL – it makes me sad when some people holds grunges… that does not work, it just makes things harder. It does not help your state of mind to think of other things or potentially the positive, people do change, situations do change if you give it a chance. I do not hold grunges, but when someone throws it in my face about something that happened over 10 years ago, am I really gonna remember that? That fight? No. I am not. I learned to let some go.

I choose to step forward, let the bad go and go to the positive ways, and it shows massive progress in the last few months, and since the haircut my makeover is complete, now I need to upkeep the plucking, face care and all the works, I can do it. I do not watch TV much because I have all these goals I want to do and I get more motivation, I may sit down on the couch with my husband at 7 pm for Big Bang Theory and knit. And I am happier that way.

When i come to work – i show up in a good mood even if I do not want to be there, It is good for me, and i love my job

 

How about you?

Have a wonderful week!

 

❤ Amber